Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Who wears short shorts??

I have swallowed my injured pride enough to write about my experience with the new Nair Shower Power product. I feel it is my duty to share my episode with every woman who is contemplating this product.

I saw the commercial and I think that drool literally spilled from the corner of my mouth.. Most women my age are like me.. Tired of shaving. Most of us started around age 11-13 because it was the cool thing to do. Nothing said "grown up" like walking into school around that age with newly shaven legs. It is a passage into woman-hood. By the time you are in your 30's and have a couple of kids... you are lucky to even get a shower each and every day.. Let alone shave your legs on a regular basis. We are sick of it and start to envy men on the fact that if they don't want to shave... they don't have to. However... if we walk around looking like Sasquatch.... We are eeewie.

So I went to my local Wal-Mart and saw that Nair has a Shower Power for sensitive skin.. JACKPOT!!! I read the label and hahaha!!! It is safe for bikini lines!! (Cue the Hallelujah Chorus!!!) I threw my gift from God into the cart and proudly paraded around while I finished my shopping.

Later on that evening, I decided I was going to try out my new found shaving wonder cure.... Tim watched me half laughing, but managed to talk to me through the smirks and muffled laughs. "Are you gonna do your bikini line??" I thought about it... read the tube again and thought.... "Eh.. why not.. Let's go all out!!" Mistake numero uno.. I thought about it. I finished foaming up my legs and ..... hmmm... this kinda burns a bit.....

I started to step in the shower and gasped..I think I saw my life flash before my eyes "Dear God... just kill me... take me right now... The pain!!!" Of course.. Tim saw the look on my face and laughed while asking if I was alright.... I just looked at him and replied with.. "BRING ON THE PAIN!!!" I want to explain ... it was not my legs that were on fire..

The words that I had read not even 3 minutes prior crossed my mind...


Pffffft... Whose??? Did they give that person an epidural??? Were they alive?? Were they given a local anesthetic first??

While I quickly washed up I realized something.. I had to rub the crap off.... I wanted to die right then and there. Tim was making a failed attempt to hide and muffle his chuckle still. I reached for the exfoliating sponge that it came with and gently wiped in a circular motion...........

OH THE HUMANITY!! In my mind I was talking like Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights.. "Dear Lord Baby Jesus....."

This is something that should be used in terrorist interrogations!!! I finally finished up everything.. ran the hot water out in the process... You never realize just how grateful you are for not having anymore hot water until you receive a chemical burn in your most sensitive areas.

It did stay on while in the shower like the commercials say it will, but I walked like a bow legged cowboy for two days.

I will be sticking to the razor from now on.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

New Moon... (More like let's see what we can screw up this time)

Let's discuss the "New Moon" movie coming out in November. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past couple years, "New Moon" is the sequel to the "Twilight" novel.

Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am a HUGE "Twilight" fan! Huge as in, I read all four books in a week, huge. And as soon as I get the first book back from a good friend of mine, I will read the series again and again. Anyhow, I was all geared up and patiently/anxiously waiting for the movie to come out. Even dragged my poor husband and one of our closest friends to see it. I bought the T-shirt, brushed up on the book a little bit.. I WAS READY.

I either should not have read the book first
I should not have watched the movie at all.

It was HORRIBLE! As I sat and watched Mutilation of Twilight, I was dumbfounded and constantly saying 'Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" or "That's not the way it happened!!!" I think Tim (my husband) was getting a bit frustrated with my rambling to myself during the movie. It was bad enough that I was looking for the nearest spork to gouge out my eyes with, but I subjected my poor husband and friend to it as well. I will never be able to make up for this evil act. I left the theater ranting and raving. I believe I even inflicted carpal tunnel on myself by texting all of my friends who read it, to warn them that it was dreadful and I was TICKED!!

I wanted to find out what other viewers thought of it.. Mistake #2. I read all of the postings on different blog sites about how people absolutely looooooved the movie and OMG it was so awesome!! And that they were going to go see it over and over again. While reading these people's reactions, I sat here with a blank look on my face and tilted my head thinking, "I wish I would not have paid the first $8.00 to see it.. and they are going to pay repeatedly to watch this slaughter-fest?"

I have questioned many times if they even read the same books that I did. Maybe I read some secret special version of the "Twilight" series that I am just not aware of. That has to be it!

In case you couldn't tell, I'm still a tad bit miffed about it all.

All of this venting brings me to this..

Tonight, one of my best friends/sistah sent me a text message telling me to go to YouTube and check out the trailer for the movie sequel "New Moon". So I did, in hopes that maybe there was some promise for this movie. *Le Sigh* The trailer has made me thankful for a little thing called Red Box movie rental. That way... if I have a lapse in good judgement and decide to watch the movie as punishment for things I have done wrong in my life , I will have only wasted $1.00 instead of $8.00.

Seriously? Can we please at least follow major points of the book? I understand that some things need to be tweaked here and there for time allowance and effect. But when you are changing and have a complete disregard for major highlights that are crucial to the entire story line (that is pertinent to the entire series), I must take a moment to question the sanity of the screen writers, directors and producers.

Please... for the love of all that is holy.... STOP THE MADNESS!!