Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  Remember that line?  Seems like there are all sorts of people in my midst who never learned the moral of that story.  Perhaps more of them should re-watch Pinocchio and aspire to "be a real boy".  And for the record-- there are no white lies, exaggerations are lies, omitting pieces of truth to a story or situation is a lie, hiding the truth is a lie, betrayal of a persons trust and confidence is a lie.... the list can go on and on.   

I have told lies in my past.  I also HATE that part of my past.  I generally got caught and was in trouble for it.  I finally got to a point that if I'm going to get in trouble anyway-- I may as well just get the truth out and get it over with. Now I am at the point, personally, that I am almost too honest. 

Here's the funny thing about deception-- it absolutely kills trust.  It kills relationships between friends, siblings, marriages, parent/child relationships, etc.  Each and every lie you get caught in defeats the apology that was given for the time before.   I forgive a person who apologizes, but when I am lied to repeatedly-- it gets very hard to forgive and forget.  Being lied to and betrayed insults my intelligence.  Why not just look at me and say, "You are too stupid to ever find out the truth."?  

If you are going to be involved in my life at all-- do not betray me, do not lie to me, and do not apologize if you have no intentions of changing.  It may take some time, but I WILL ALWAYS learn the truth.  When I start to pull away, and you wonder why-- think back to all the deceptions and betrayals, the little white lies and then assume I have learned the truth. 

Right now may be a good time to confess to anyone you have lied to or betrayed.  They probably already know, but if you go to them about it, there may be hope to salvage whatever relationship you damaged. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

This is a joke--- RIGHT?

Been a little bewildered for many hours tonight and having a difficult time putting together the words to write this blog.  The cause of my confusion?  An invitation to a baby shower.

Only, the invitation was not for me--it was for my 9 year old daughter to attend the baby shower of her friends 14 year old sister. 

This has to be a joke. 
I realize that we all make mistakes and some we may later regret.  But I have a very (VERY) hard time entertaining the thought of my daughter joining in festivities to celebrate the pregnancy of a girl who is only 4 1/2 years older than she is.  Is this something that should really be celebrated?  I am starting to wonder if I should also be on the lookout for the MTV van and filming crew for "Teen Mom"-- just in case the parents thought that would be a brilliant idea. 

Am I the only person who thinks that this is wrong on so many different levels?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Instead of kicking the dead horse....

Just walk away from it. 


(This song sums up my past 2 days beautifully.)

I have to walk away again.  My father informed me today that he is 62 years old-- he is NOT going to change.   I have decided that he is the same person he was 23 years ago when I cut ties the first time.  The only thing that is different now is that I am 36-- not 13.  I feel sorry for him.  To hold on to that much bitterness, hate and anger for all these years.  He trusts no one and is paranoid to the nth degree.  No wonder his health is failing at a rapid rate. In his eyes I am not the daughter who forgave and was willing to give a second chance.  Instead, I am and will always be the daughter who walked away and betrayed him.  Sorry but I have bigger fish to fry (like the vampire squirrels and rabid sheep) other than trying to prove myself to someone who made up their mind up about me yeeeears ago.  

Like the saying goes, "Never make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs". 

So what do I do now?  I gently put down the ticking time bomb, back up about 3 or 4 steps, turn and run away-- screaming like a mad woman. 

For the record, there has been no evidence lately of the Cullen's moving in across the street. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

No really.. I'm fine

I realize that it seems like a lifetime since I actually blogged something.  It apparently has been so long that I am shocked that my brain (in its current state) had the ability to pull my password from out of the depths of my sub-conscious mind so that I could even log on here. 

No, I was not attacked by vicious vampire squirrels or rabid sheep.  Thankfully, I have enough garlic to ward off an Italian and the neighbors dogs ward off the sheep.  

Now for the purpose of my unexpected return. I know some of you have been worried about me and I appreciate your concern.  I am not okay right now-- but I will be.  There are a few factors playing into this.  First, it has been rainy and overcast here for what seems to be an eternity.  Seriously, I think the Cullens may have moved in across the street and claimed squatters rights.  If they have-- that's fantastic.  That means that werewolves will show up, and they can help ward off the rabid sheep.  And of course, my whole life has been turned upside down and slammed on top of me over the past two weeks.  

I am not posting any of this because I want pity,sympathy, etc.  I am simply saying, I need to be in my head.  It doesn't require me to talk much, or express much emotion.  As scary as what it can be sometimes, it is the only place I can go to be honest with myself, sort through crap, throw out the garbage and keep the good.  It's also the only place I can do this without having to pay my shrink twice a week to do it in her office. 

One more thing-- please, no phone calls right now.  I really don't feel much like talking about this stuff.  It is my own personal private hell.  If you do call, and I don't answer-- do not be upset or offended.  Yes, I am avoiding.  But only for a short while.  I will call back when I am up to it. 

So... that's all for now.  I will let ya know if I see any sparkling from across the street.